Warning my readers right now, this blog is going to sound completely out of context from the usual happy go lucky person that I am. I have some things I need to get off my chest, and its your lucky day. (readers, readers? Are you there? Do you hear me? Who ARE you? Maybe Im just talking to an empty room...)
What is fulfilment exactly? When is your life considered full?
Is it when you bring home enough money to pay the bills, get a haircut, buy organic groceries, and still have money left over for a savings account and a few drinks with friends? AND a full tank of gas?
Is fulfilment having an empty wallet but a full heart, because you get to wake up next to someone who adores you even when you forget to wash your eye makeup off before bed the night before?
Is fulfilment working odds and ends jobs, but having the satisfaction of making ends meet all on your own?
Is fulfilment making enough money to feed yourself and a small country, afford a luxury car, a condo on the water... but just to go home and enjoy it by yourself?
I am not questioning who has dealt my cards. I know the big man upstairs has some major plans for us. I know he is having me go through this storm, so I can truly appreciate the sunshine after its done raining. But, man... he sure is standing me up to quite the test! I left my job due to real deal, unfair circumstances that were outlandish and affecting my relationship with my husband, mainly because the stress and confidence blows were taking a toll on myself as a person. So... my quest for a new job begins....
And then I find something that seemed to have fallen from the heavens. I really felt like God was smiling down on me the day I found this “wedding coordinator” job. I stressed and prayed and pleaded that God let this be real. This is what I have been wanting, and wishing, and hoping for... and just as fast as the dream was right before my eyes, it was gone.
Now, here I am, 3 weeks later. Stressed, on the verge of tears, and pondering ways to pay my next car payment. Thank God for my grocery shopping binge before we hit rock bottom. I can feed myself and a small country... but that’s pretty much all I can handle right now.
I don’t get it. I pray every day for other people... I pray that they meet their soul mate, or fight off a sickness, or get that job they want so bad. I pray for peace, and for our men overseas, and for those less fortunate. I pray for my family and my friends, for health, and prosperity.. . and I see the fruits of my prayers every day.
Dear God, is anyone praying for me?! Because I kinda feel like we can’t take this anymore. I know I have a family, and friends, and a husband that adores me... but this roof over my head.. and the food in my fridge, and this happy go lucky spirit I tend to have... I don’t know how long its gonna last.
I guess what Im praying for today is a prayer... I pray that someone prays for me. I don’t know if thats wrong. I know there are people who need prayers more than I do, but I promise with all my heart, that I will return the favor.